MELBOURNE HANGOVER FOOD CURES
I don’t care how hungover I am, I don’t want to eat shit food. I am of the firm belief that in life one should waste as little few meals as possible. If you are looking for a list of trendy places to get bacon and eggs in Melbourne, this is not the list for you. I don’t know who decided that fried eggs and sliced white bread were the answer to the problems associated with hangovers, but I would like to accuse them of having zero imagination.
Hangovers seem to be unfairlylinked to breakfast, where options are limited to poached, fried or scrambled, served with a watery slice of pig. But what about those of us who start drinking Millers Martini’s at 11pm and end up at the Supper Club eating Croque monsieur at five in the morning? By the time we get out of bed our body clock screams lunch! Dinner! Meats! Cheeses!
This is a highly subjective guide to what I feel are the best ways to indulge a hangover and coerce it into spooning.
Gnocchi Gorgonzola, Lupino
I don’t know how Marco Lori makes the Gnocchi at Lupino but I suspect it has something to do with clouds. These silken pillows of potato are as tender as moonlight, coated with luscious Gorgonzola, mild enough for even the cautious of cheese lovers. Those particularly hungover can snack on quattro formaggio Arancini, thoughtfullystuffed with a cube of smoked mozzarella.
Barbeque Suckling Pig, Supper Inn
There’s just something about Pork Belly and the way the Chinese turn pigs skin into a crunch that makes my heart sing Cantonese songs of joy. Fatty, gelatinous pork hides under crackling that shatters like glass, served with a sickly plum sauce on a plate dedicated exclusively to meat. Wash it down with the Fillet steak. Heaven
Lamb Shoulder, Cumulus Inc.
You’re going to need some friends for this one, they don’t necessarily have to be hungover but you will need to like them – sharing this dish isn’t easy, even though it happily feeds five. Andrew McConnell’s lamb roast puts it in the oven for eight hours, turning meat into mouth porn that literally melts on entry. Start with a plate of meat and end with a plate of chesses.
Tyri Saganaki, Hellenic Republic
The only thing better than cheese is cheese that has been fried. This particularly succulent cut of Kefalograviera is crisped up on the outside and melted lovingly within, served with peppered figs and I suspect a drip or two of honey. The other old faithful on this list is Moussaka, donewith pork, veal and lamb mince, disguised under layers of eggplants, potatoes and béchamel sauce.
Penang Lamb and Eggplant Curry, Cookie
Asian food can be a little light for those with a serious hangover, steamed fish is generally not known for its ability to soak up a stomachful of last night’s gin sponsored adventures. But pair this stunningly sticky lamb with some coconut rice, preceded with somegrilled Thai sausage, and its viscous sauce will take care of all your problems. Alternatively, they do banging chilli fries at Cookie and a medicinal cocktail is never too far away.
Carrillera de Buey, Movida
Slowly Braised Beef Cheek in Pedro Ximenez, served on a silky bed of Cauliflower Puree. What more reallyneeds to be said? Take up a stool at the bar and get stuck into the house-made bread.
Steak Frites, France Soir
Jean-Paul Prunnetti knows his steak. He has been banging out Steak Frites and other authentic bistro food since 1986, and no one quite does hangover fodder like the French. Beef bourguignon, Magret de canard, coq au vin, Paris mash and life changing roast chicken. But at France Soir, the eight cuts of beef on the menu are what keep me coming back, as does the butter.
Spaghetti “Mazza”, Illona Staller
Seafood and hangovers probably shouldn’t go together, but when you get to the end of Illona Stallers’ take on spaghetti marinara, mopping up the garlicky oil with crusty bread is nothing short of arousing. King prawns, mussels, pipis, calamari and a bit of fish,coated excessively in great olive oil, parsley, garlic and chilli. Snack on the beestings – fried Jalapeno chillies stuffed with feta, lime and pinenuts – or eat Duck three ways if seafood isn’t your bag.
Commonly associated with eating drunk, the Souvlaki is a versatile food, satiating both an exuberant burst of inebriated hunger and the unrelenting pain associated with being hungover. Though I’m sure there are ‘better’ souvlakis in Melbourne, Stalectites remains my favourite. It’s open 24 hours and they will stuff your lamb experience with chips and feta if you ask them nicely. A Melbourne institution.
Barramundi Pork Salad, Chin Chin
The actual name of the dish is crispy barramundi and green apple salad with caramelised pork. Despite its ‘fish salad’ evoking description, it is hangover grade because of its symphony of pork, scorched little morsels of sweet and crunchy belly. The only thing not so hangover grade is the rigmarole to get in. Avoid peak times like the plague; your headache will thank you.
By Sophie Doran