KING DAVID (ATTENBOROUGH)

Can we just give this guy the keys to the entire planet already?

Pretty sure the dude IS Jesus and can walk on water then make it into wine. And he even believes in dinosaurs? Did he create them? Holy shit, did I just unlock the secrets to evolution?

David Attenborough is also Santa. Like dude, I know you shaved that beard off and you had to give up on the whole sleigh and reindeer thing, you know out-source it, because of lower back problems? But you couldn’t completely retire from being a jolly grand motherfucker bringing joy to the world telling real life cool stories? He went and became a legend boss and started showing everybody how fucking dope the world is and making grown men cry over how beautiful polar bears are, and how we’re fucking up the planet and that we should drive our car less and not stab dolphins.

Also he is everyone in the entire world’s grandfather. Imagine if he was your dad? He would have read you the most epic of bedtime stories, your dreams would have been of non-existing gloriously lush planetscapes being explored for the first time, pioneering the vast unknown plains riding a goddamn T-Rex whilst giving the rest of civilisation the finger.

Man, life would have been awesome.

Kind of like this:

If you didn’t feel a weird sensation to do with skin and hair raising? We cannot ever be friends.

David Attenborough (CEO/KING/RULER/PRESIDENT/JUSTICE OF PEACE/GOVERNOR OF THE WORLD)

Shouts to @peakstreet for the inspirational thoughts